It happened again. There I am, browsing through baby clothes, marveling at the cuteness of them all and wondering where the 12-month-olds are who actually fit in 12-month-old clothing. (My son’s been at least three months ahead of his supposed “month” size since day one.) And then suddenly I see red and have my very own personal tantrum right there in the baby aisle. Because seriously, why do they have to put such dumb stuff on children’s clothes?
This week’s culprit in ridiculous children’s clothes:
Because, clearly, teaching children that vegetables are a thing to be feared is a great idea. I mean, really? “Open up for the scary airplane, here comes some rabid broccoli to torture your taste buds. What a brave boy, touching a carrot. Here, have some sugar to help you recover.”
And here are some other gems…
My personal love-to-hate favorite:
Let’s put aside for a moment the rampant and ridiculous sexism that says dads get to be cool while moms are supposed to be hot. Let’s ignore that they’re charging $4.99 for this drivel ($1.99 would be too much). And let’s think through the wisdom of dressing your kid in a bib that makes others (kids and 32-year-old women alike) want to punch it right in the middle of its sexist taunting pink lettering.
I’m probably being a little oversensitive with this one:
But in a world where female politicians and executives get told they need to smile more and where strangers passing on the street tell women to cheer up, I’m just not sure we should be instructing our daughters — on their clothing — to smile. Also, NEVER stop smiling? That’s just not practical.
I’m definitely not being oversensitive with this one:
Is your daddy a psychopath? Presumably, if you’re wearing a onesie, you are about 6 months old and your daddy shouldn’t really be thinking about you as needing protection from marauding 7-month-olds. Since YOU’RE ALL BABIES AND HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIVES TO BE BOXED IN AND OBJECTIFIED. I guess daddy wanted to start early. Does this onesie count as intent to kill? Because if it does, daddy might be getting locked up kinda soon. Shame. Also, can we talk about the impracticality of that ribbon stuff?
And I accidentally stumbled upon this one:
It broke my brain though, so I don’t think I can find anything to say. Except I guess “daddy” decided his threat in the earlier onesie was too subtle?
Despite these ridiculous sayings on children’s clothes, we all need to remember the world is still inhabitable, so I’ll leave you with this to cheer you up:
There’s still hope.
