My spouse has depression. It’s well managed and currently not something we think about daily, but each year he struggles with seasonal depression — a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern. Seasonal depression, or SAD, is sometimes known as “winter depression” because the symptoms are usually more apparent and more severe during the winter.
I didn’t know anything about seasonal depression until I attended college in a town where it was grey for much of the year. And I noticed that some of the upperclassmen in my dorm brought bright sun lamps after winter break, which made great lights for dark rooms. One floor-mate explained that it was because it was hard to make it through the winter.
As a freshman, that felt abstract — a lot like people telling me about motherhood while I was pregnant. I was more or less there, but I wasn’t really in it. And they were right. Winter was hard. I craved crossing the Mason-Dixon line to see friends and family and sit in the sun. But as hard as that time was, I wasn’t depressed, and I enjoyed the season.
When I married someone with depression, I felt inadequately prepared to support him. I didn’t grow up in a community that championed mental health. I knew few methods that help besides therapy. Thankfully, over the last few years I’ve learned that along with some personalized coping skills, there are a few general activities that can help lessen the blow seasonal depression brings for my spouse and myself.
1. Let the light in.
“Humans are just really complicated plants.” — Daniel Howell
Like plants, we need sunlight and water! I love sleeping in, but for my spouse it can be a trigger. One of my favorite tricks to get out of bed is to open the blinds throughout the house, then hop back in bed and set my alarm for 15 more minutes. When it’s really time to get up, it’s harder to stay horizontal with all the light streaming in! This tip got me out of bed at the end of my first maternity leave before I was ready to commit to my routine. It’s a helpful way to convince yourself or your partner that the extra snooze is just a pit stop at the start of the day.
2. Eat real food.
Your partner may not feel up to preparing food, but it’s important to eat good and nourishing things — particularly when you don’t feel your best. I live by the rule that you don’t have to make each part of the dish. If I make the chicken and rice, the veggies can come from a bag or can. Even young children can help with sides like that! Soups can be made within an hour with a stove top and a blender. While making breakfast for dinner, we taught our 6-year-old how to make scrambled eggs. Using everyone’s contributions can improve family dynamics and boost the mood of those who are struggling!
3. Choose a new activity.
Having something new to look forward to may be a good way to help your partner with their depression. You can choose a new family activity, like game night or movie night where you rotate who chooses the movie or the genre. For my husband, starting a new individual activity — pickleball, in his case — has been beneficial to his attitude and health.
4. Make a household care plan.
Getting motivated for the day can be tough. Make sure the calendar is filled with things you need to do and things you want to do — as a family and individually. You need a proper mix of both to feel accomplished and ensure everyone feels they are an asset to the family. Evaluate your to-do list each day and keep it manageable. Start your list with waking up, and you’ll always have something to check off!
5. Get support from family and friends.
Sharing your journey can be an important and effective step in supporting your spouse. While it may be hard to be open about your specific struggles, it is important to know your family is not alone. Those who know and love your family will be there to help you to the other side.
6. Consider regular therapy.
Therapy could be the best change for your spouse and/or your family. While individual therapy should be considered for all mental health situations, couples therapy or family therapy may also be supportive. If your family is going through a particularly tough moment, it could be beneficial for everyone to have outside support in understanding and coping with a family member’s depression.
Whether it’s you or your spouse living with depression, I hope these few things help you come up with a plan to keep everyone mentally and physically healthy. I’m thankful I’ve gained a few skills to support us in the happy and hard seasons to come!
