I always knew I wanted children. That was never a question. But when I met my husband and we got engaged and married all within a year, the “someday” mentality suddenly became something I needed to confront and consider.
I was 30 when we married, so that provided some incentive to start making plans. But mostly, it was my husband. He had been dreaming of having children for as long as he could remember, and he couldn’t wait to start a family. In fact, he even asked me if we could start trying before the wedding, which I quickly put the kibosh on. I told him I needed six months to settle into married life — just the two of us.
I kept waiting for that telltale sign that I was ready. But month after month went by, and I didn’t feel the visceral tug toward motherhood I had heard so much about from other mothers-to-be.
Finally, I decided I was never going to get a clear sign that I was ready, so we just jumped in. I was incredibly lucky that we conceived quickly, and I had a wholly uncomplicated pregnancy — I even delivered right on my due date.
The decision for baby number two was easy. So was the decision about when to try.
Flash forward three years, and my husband wanted to broach the topic of baby number three. I was recalcitrant, at first, in my hard and fast “no.” Never once in my childhood fantasies was there ever a third baby! It was frankly inconceivable to me. I stayed stubborn and staid in my conviction until one day a baby in a local Starbucks cooed at me, and I almost fell to the ground. I knew I needed to have one more.
Some of us look for signs to tell us whether to have another child. Sometimes the answer is clear. And sometimes it is deeply muddled and riddled with equivocation. But I think, after my three pregnancies, I’ve figured a few things out. Like how to know you’re done having kids. Here are nine ways you can know for sure.
1. You see a baby and your ovaries no longer quiver.
2. There’s only one butt to wipe these days — your own — and you love the freedom.
3. You see a pregnant woman with a toddler in tow and feel sorry for her.
4. You look at your monthly bills.
5. You actually start laughing out loud when someone asks if you’re planning to have more kids.
6. You receive your AARP application in the mail.
7. You get annoyed at little kids kicking your chair in a movie theater or being loud in a restaurant — just like you used to before having kids.
8. You confidently and gleefully throw out your last lingering (and ripped and stained) nursing bra.
9. Your husband whispers, “Should we try?” and you quickly grab a condom and schedule his vasectomy.
So whether you try for one more baby or decide you’re definitely done, I wish you confidence and peace with all your family-planning decisions!
