When I was 10, we received a phone call that my 11-year-old cousin had been shot and was on life support. It was the first time I remember seeing my father cry.
My cousin, Anthony, wasn’t in a gang. Or a victim of a drive-by shooting. Or even hunting for deer with his dad.
He was at a playdate.
He and his friend had found a handgun in his friend’s parents’ closet. It was unlocked. And, as it turns out, it was loaded.
A day later, Anthony died.
I think about him often. We were, after all, the same age. We both liked Michael Jackson. And basketball. And being utter goofballs. Anthony’s laugh made me laugh.
And I think about my uncle, too. How he lost his little boy when he was just a bit older than my daughter is now. How it must have felt like so much life and love had just slipped through his fingers.
In an instant.
As we all know all too well, gun safety is not an issue of the past. With shootings at schools and movie theaters and shopping centers so common today, guns and what to do about them are on all of our minds. And it starts at home: One out of three homes with children have guns. And 80% of unintentional firearm deaths of children under 15 occur in a home.
And while sometimes it feels too big to battle, there is one very tangible, very immediate thing I can do to help keep my kids safe.
I can ask their friends’ parents whether they keep guns in the house. A bit forward? Perhaps. Essential? Hopefully not. But good practice? I believe so. And also, perhaps, a way to open the dialogue about gun control.
A couple years ago, when my oldest was in kindergarten, I wrote about the drop-off playdate and how I was a little nervous about sending my children forth to others’ homes without being there to supervise. And I also admitted that while the tough questions crossed my mind, I didn’t ask them then. I was too unsure of myself.
But a couple years have passed. My chubby-cheeked kindergartner is now a leggy third-grader. And as she’s navigated playground and sleepover politics, we’ve talked a lot about not letting others’ opinions of you matter more than the one you hold of yourself.
I’m learning, too.
So this school year, in addition to sharpening their pencils and labeling their backpacks, I’m giving myself this assignment:
Be bold. Ask the tough questions. For them. For Anthony.
Here’s what I’ll say:
Dear friends,
I’m writing to you as the parent of a friend of my children to ask whether you keep any guns in your home? If so, how are they stored?
You may know that I’m an advocate for common sense gun laws, but I’m embarrassed to say I’ve never asked anyone this question before. It feels a bit awkward! But I know that it shouldn’t, and that it’s so important.
To reciprocate, I’ll let you know that we don’t keep any guns in our home.
Here are some handy resources in case you’re thinking about how and why to ask others this important question:
Thank you,
Jessie
