I love being a mom, and my love for my son knows no bounds. This role fills me with an incredible amount of joy and gratitude. I am also a single mom — a widowed mom — and am tired and overwhelmed. It is challenging to find time and space to rest and take a break. I know this is a struggle for many parents.
To my fellow single moms, I see you and I am giving you all the high fives, hugs, and cheers. I am proud of you for getting up each day to be an incredible mom, raising your children and taking full responsibility for all the roles — leader, homework helper, coach, motivational speaker, wiper of tears, chef, financial planner, housekeeper, breadwinner, landscaper, counselor, cuddler, fixer of boo boos, driver, executor of plans, and countless more.
It can feel impossible to wear all the hats. I remember many “whiplash moments” in the weeks after my husband’s death when I would suddenly realize what it meant to be a single parent. I would never be able to leave the baby with him to run a quick errand solo. I didn’t have his help when the baby got sick. After a long day, no one would be there to step in so I could tap out.
It is no secret that parents are better off when they have opportunities to take a break, relieve a little stress, and do something that feels restorative.
But how? Whenever someone says to you, “Have you thought about doing something for yourself?” I know the voice in your head quietly whispers, “How can I do that when I have to be all the things?” I know you feel pulled in many directions, and you may find yourself living moment to moment just to survive. So the thought of planning something restful, just for you, feels like just another task you’ll never get to.
It is no wonder so many single moms opt to keep pushing through — it is too much work to coordinate all the steps required to take a break. (There may also be very real barriers — financial, access to support.) It’s one thing to ask for help when my need is related to a professional commitment or a medical appointment. If it is for fun or relaxation, it is much harder to step away. Prioritizing rest is much easier said than done.
There are so many logistics involved in taking a break: Who can watch my son? Then there’s the financial aspect: Can I afford this? Should this money be spent elsewhere? Then, the worries: Will it all be OK? What if there is an emergency?
Yet we know that moments of rest are vital for both us and our children. I am a better mom to my son when I can catch my breath.
I recently took a big step. I went away for a weekend and attended a women’s writing retreat. I didn’t know another soul there. It was incredible. I knew my son was in loving and capable hands. In the weeks following, I felt more energized and committed to creating opportunities like it in the future. The steps it took to make it happen were all worth it, and I returned more relaxed, focused, and with a changed perspective. I felt empowered and proud of myself for doing it.
A weekend getaway won’t always be feasible. In my day-to-day life, I try to highlight small things that can feel restorative — reading during my commute on the T, doing something creative, connecting with my son, laughing, spending time reflecting on what has been going well.
You deserve a break, mama. Whether you can steal five minutes or five hours for yourself, it will take some planning. Here are some things to think about as you get started:
- As a single mom, how do you rest or take a break?
- Are there small, daily practices you create that feel restorative?
- How do you slow down and highlight all the incredible things you are doing as a single mom?
- Is there one small thing you can do today to rest?
- Is there a way to plan a longer extended break for yourself?
This road is never easy for a single mom, but you are doing it — probably so much better than you realize. You carry a fire inside you — a determination and willpower and resilience that is born out of the pain of your story. It shows up every day in the love you have for your child.
