As with most parenting choices, working or staying home with children is a decision you have to make based on what is best for your family. When I found out I was having twins, it didn’t fit with my pre-parent vision of having a baby sometime during the winter or spring, taking the rest of the school year off from teaching, and returning to work in September (oh, young, naïve me!).

I questioned whether I could leave not one, but two babies at daycare while I went to work. Would paying for childcare for two infants even make sense financially? Would these be our only children, or would I have another chance to stay home in the future? When my twins were born in July, I decided to take the whole school year off for maternity leave. Staying home with the babies felt like the right choice for me and made the most sense for our family.

I recently received paperwork asking if I’m returning to work in September, requesting another year off, or resigning my teaching position. Since I became a mom, I’ve known in my heart that I need more time at home with my babies, so I am requesting another year off — which may or may not be granted. Even though I’ve been sure of my decision for some time, it surprised me how bittersweet it was to fill out the form saying I won’t be back at work in September.

All year, I’ve been calling myself an elementary library teacher who is on maternity leave. As I filled out my paperwork, I realized I’ve become a stay-at-home mom. With this revelation, I am finding myself mourning my work identity, even if it’s only gone temporarily.

Being a library teacher was really important to who I was before kids. I enjoyed going to work every day and talking about books, reading with the students, and teaching kids how to be researchers. I had amazing colleagues who supported me, mentored me, and became good friends.

My job was also my hobby. At home I spent a lot of my free time planning interactive lessons or creating materials and activities for my students, connecting with other librarians on social media, or blogging about teaching in the library. I presented at state and national conferences about the things going on in my library, and I loved networking with other librarians. Everything work-related came to a pretty abrupt halt with the arrival of my babies, and I’m just now realizing how much I miss that part of my life.

Despite some hard days (hello, teething!) and missing my work identity and life now and then, becoming a stay-at-home mom has been the right choice for me. I love being with my babies all day, watching them master new skills and learn about the world around them, and taking them on little adventures (even a trip to Target is an adventure with twins!). I’m too busy to ever be bored, especially now that the babies are mobile and the weather is getting nice enough to spend time outside.

I really can’t imagine being away from them all day, but now and then I still get a pang of longing to be a library teacher again.

For now, I’m going to embrace my stay-at-home-mom identity. I’m going to focus on enjoying my babies, meeting and connecting with other mamas, and exploring new creative outlets, like writing and sewing. I know the library and teaching worlds will be there when I want to return to them.