Parenting used to be simple — or so I’ve heard from the elders. The legend goes that once upon a time, parents simply did their best, learned as they went, and hoped their kids turned out OK. As a millennial with an internet connection, I’ve never known such simplicity in parenting.
Everywhere you click there is a new parenting style to subscribe to: gentle parenting, authoritative parenting, free-range parenting, attachment parenting — and the list keeps growing. And while these approaches all have their merits, the constant need to categorize how we raise our kids is creating unnecessary distance between parents when, at the core, we’re all trying to do the same thing: raise kind and decent humans.
The mommy-forum pressure to fit into a neatly labeled box of parenting can be overwhelming. Each style comes with its own set of rules, guidelines, and, of course, an ever-present list of risks and benefits. In the end, these rules often set parents up for failure, guilt, and judgment. (And, let’s acknowledge that this primarily affects mothers, because the scrutiny is always on moms.)
Are you a gentle parent? Well, you better never raise your voice, even when your child smacks their sibling for the seventeenth time. If you do, cue the mom guilt! Prefer an authoritative approach? Hope you never have a night where you’re too exhausted to argue over dinner so you let your kid eat a bowl of Goldfish instead of a balanced meal — because that’s a “fail,” right?
Even if these realities of parenting happen behind closed doors, when things go off script it leads moms to feel as if we are doing something wrong when all we’re trying to do is make it through the day.
Parenting isn’t a rigid framework — it’s a constantly shifting, ever-evolving experience that looks different for every family, every child, and every phase of life. What worked last week might not work today. Some days, we might have the patience of a saint, calmly guiding our children through their big emotions. Other days, we’re just trying to keep everyone (including ourselves) fed, safe, and maybe even tear-free until bedtime.
And that’s exactly why these parenting labels can be so limiting. They put us in boxes when parenting requires flexibility above all else. Some situations call for a gentle approach, while others demand firmness. There’s no single method that works for every moment. Yet, all these parenting “rules” and guidelines make moms second-guess their own instincts — when, in reality, few things are more reliable than a mother’s intuition about what her child needs.
Instead of stressing over fitting into a predefined category, we should trust ourselves to respond to our children’s needs in real time, adapting as we go.
Instead of defining ourselves by parenting labels, what if we all just said, “We’re parenting.” Period. We’re parenting however the moment, the day, or the season of life calls for. What if, instead of breaking ourselves into categories, we embraced the idea that parenting is a deeply personal journey? What if we let go of these unrealistic standards, started relying on our own intuition, and simply supported each other through the highs and lows?
Because at the end of the day, no matter the style, philosophy, or trending buzzword (seriously, “f*&k-around-and-find-out parenting“ is a thing now?), we’re all just doing our best. And that should be enough. No one wins in the game of “perfect parenting,” but we all win when we have a strong, supportive community behind us. It’s time to stop labeling, start trusting ourselves, and lean in to lifting each other up.
