Last week U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the mental health of parents in the United States, deeming it an “urgent public health issue.”

While that may sound like a fancy term for a press release, an advisory is the strongest action the surgeon general can take on an issue. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, advisories “are reserved for significant public health challenges that demand the American people’s immediate attention.”

So, why now? Parents have been stressed for decades. The rise in a necessity for dual-income households, increasingly isolated parenting experiences, societal pressure to “have it all” — these are not recent challenges. What makes this moment unique in its urgency? Here is a breakdown of why I think this is a breaking point for so many: 

The lack of paid family leave

One of the most clearly defined policy recommendations in the advisory is a national paid family leave. As we know all too well, the U.S. is one of three industrialized nations that offers no paid parental leave. None. Massachusetts is considered one of the more progressive states with a 12-week, partially paid leave law.

However, what good is that law if parents are afraid to take it for fear of professional repercussions? Mayor Michelle Wu, currently expecting her third child, has publicly announced she will be taking no maternity leave when she welcomes her baby later this year. That may (or may not) work for the Wu family, but what example does that set for other professional parents in Boston? Our leaders need to show us they are prioritizing programs that support working parents by participating in such programs themselves. 

The high cost of child care

Once again, Massachusetts families are some of the hardest hit. Year after year, Massachusetts is ranked the most expensive state in the country for child care. The cost of daycares is rising annually by double-digit percentages, eating up more than 50 percent (!) of a single parent’s income.

Combined with our housing costs (coming in hot at number five most expensive markets) and the nationwide rise in the cost of living, the financial stress of child care has nearly two-thirds of parents listing financial stress as the biggest impact on their mental health according to the report. We need affordable, reliable child care, otherwise we will continue to force parents (disproportionately mothers) out of the workforce.

The mental load

The surgeon general doesn’t mince words when he explains the mental effort it takes for parents to raise children. “The significant mental labor involved with parenting — balancing complex schedules, anticipating a child’s evolving needs, making countless decisions each day on behalf of a child, and monitoring progress — can limit working memory capacity and negatively impact attentional resources, cognitive functioning and psychological well-being.”

Given that parents need to spend most (if not all) of their paid time off on school vacations, sick days, and other child care-related needs, parents don’t get the mental breaks they so desperately need. We are constantly being asked for information or mental effort from all sides. Employers need to adopt policies that allow for more flexibility in balancing work and caring for family members.

One of the few silver linings of the pandemic was the rise in acceptance of remote work. Massachusetts now ranks in the top five states for remote work, with more than 20% of our workforce being able to skip the commute and work from home. Allowing parents to create schedules that work best for their families will produce better work from employees. It’s a win-win that too few companies seem willing to institute.

Social media is not helping

Perhaps the thing that has brought parents to their breaking point is what so many of us use as an escape: social media. The youth mental health crisis, statistically attributed to the rise in young people’s access to social media, is impacting parents in addition to young people. Over the past few years, parents have reported high stress levels worrying about their children’s online safety and the impacts of social media on their kids’ mental health. 

But social media is also damaging the health of the parents. In the report, the surgeon general describes the impacts of societal expectations on parents and how technological advances (i.e., social media) are putting unrealistic expectations on parents for not only their own parenting but the achievement of their children. Essentially, if parents don’t have high-achieving kids to post about on Instagram, they feel they are failing as parents, raising their stress levels and detrimentally impacting their mental health, which, in turn, has detrimental impacts on their child’s outcome. Full circle stress.

Thankfully, this has an easy(ish) fix: Limit your own social media access. Set time limits for social apps in your phone settings. Leave the devices in another room. The phone will ring if someone needs you. Scrolling is just adding to your stress.

We parents cannot just continue to “suck it up.” We owe it to our children — who likely will one day become parents themselves — to demand better. To ask our leaders, especially in an election year, why paid family leave is still not a thing. Why marginalized communities suffer parental mental health crises at such a disproportionate rate. We can use our voices at the ballot box.

But until legislative changes are implemented, we need to reach out to the other parents in our lives to check in. The mom who posted her child’s sports award may be struggling in ways you don’t see. Talk to your mom friends. Ask for help when you need it. Offer support when you can.

And know that if nothing else, we at Boston Moms are here for you. Always.