My goal was to exclusively breastfeed. I thought that because it was natural, it would be easy. Wrong. It is so hard — especially in the beginning, when mom and baby have no experience whatsoever. Remember that all moms want you to root for them and their choices. So if breastfeeding is going well, give her support! And if it’s hard for her, give her more support! If you know a new mom who is beginning her breastfeeding journey, here are some easy ways you can help. (Please also remember to honor all ways moms choose to feed and nourish their children.)
1. Don’t be judgy — be kind.
We are all on our own personal journeys, and we’re all doing our best. Judging what you think is right for someone else’s baby is not helpful or kind. And this is even more important for mom herself. Remind a fellow breastfeeding mama to be kind to herself. Encourage her to get the help she needs and to be patient and flexible with her expectations. Remind her she is amazing, and judge not.
2. Give space, especially in those first weeks.
Everyone is different. Most moms I know want you to look away or respect that she needs space. I am not super private, and I do not need privacy breastfeeding… anymore. But in the first few days, I wanted to be left alone to figure it out without having to carry on a conversation. I remember hiding in my bedroom trying to master the latch and hearing one visitor say, “Is she done eating yet? We want to meet her!” I stopped feeding my new daughter so she could see visitors, and that was a stressful mistake.
3. Don’t let her think she has to do it alone.
A lactation consultant is a Godsend. Breastfeeding support hotlines and groups are amazing. Having friends who are there for you is ideal. I loved this book, which was perfect for after I knew what I was doing. Also, I know for a fact that I could not have met my goal of breastfeeding my daughters without my husband’s commitment to support me.
4. Ask how you can help.
New moms are hormonal messes. Ask her how she is doing, how she can be supported. Most postpartum mamas are not going to advocate for their needs and ask for help — they’re throughly exhausted.
5. Don’t tell her horror stories of other people’s negative breastfeeding experiences.
No breastfeeding mom wants to hear it — it does not help.
6. Give her water.
Breastfeeding mamas get thirsty like you wouldn’t believe — the need for hydration is real! You wouldn’t believe how many times a nursing mom has sat down to feed her baby and then thought, “I should have refilled my water!” When you ensure a breastfeeding mom is staying hydrated, you are filling a real need.
7. Let her eat.
We covered the thirst. But the hunger. Oh, the hunger. I did not experience intense cravings while pregnant, but the phenomenal hunger I had (all my breastfeeding pals did too) was astronomical. So feed her. She may be able to eat fine with one hand, but give her some time where she can sit by herself at a table with a nourishing meal to feel like herself again, too!
8. Recommend your favorite Netflix show.
One of my friends used an app that tracked how often she fed her 2-month-old daughter, and it came out to be the majority of the 24 hours in a day. That is a whole lot of sitting down. So, wanna do a new mama a favor? Watch her older kid if she has one, and set her up with a good show.
9. Buy, borrow, or lend her a nursing pillow and other supplies.
Most mothers use a Boppy or a My Breast Friend nursing pillow. It is a great gift if the mom does not have one yet! Nipple creams and breast pads may feel like a ridiculous gift to purchase, but they’re pretty delightful to receive!
10. Cheer her on and remind her it is going to be amazing!
You could read all the articles in the world about breastfeeding benefits, but ultimately, for me, breastfeeding is the most amazing experience I have had with my girls for no other reason than the bonding. The beginning is hard — leaking, soreness, engorgement, blebs, pumping, and oh, the list goes on and on. But I can tell you from experience that it gets so much easier, and it’s so good.
